Tuesday, October 7, 2014, 1:00pm
I'm a stay-at-home-mom. I love it. But often times I feel like a failure and like I don't do enough. There are pretty much always dishes in the sink, when the dishwasher is clean we will take dishes out of it for several days before I finally empty it and by this point it's already almost empty. Some days dinner does not get started until after David gets home, and some days it doesn't get made at all. We pretty much always have baskets of clean clothes laying around that we have to fish out of after each shower. I've been meaning to vacuum the house for a week now and it still hasn't gotten done. I'm sitting here right now surrounded by toys and blankets on the floor and all of the fore mentioned things in their fore mentioned state, Noelle is napping, but rather than doing anything to remedy the mess or to cross one of the twenty things off my to-do list, I'm sitting at the computer writing in my blog. I have a limited window in my current state of life where productivity is possible with my curious toddler running around sneaking marshmallows out of the pantry, but sometimes I just need a break.
Yesterday Noelle and I made bread together, I let her dump in the flour and stir it up and she loved it! All of the dishes are still currently scattered around my kitchen... But the bread turned out delicious. It was Noodle Day, so we took advantage of that and went to Noodle's & Company for dinner. We didn't win anything, but I didn't have to make dinner! Noelle and I spent most of the day at home, we spend most of the day everyday at home. We only left the house yesterday because Noelle kept bringing me her coat and boots begging me to help her put them on so that we could leave, so I finally obliged and we went to the mall so she could play in the play area. All we did all day was lay around and play and do nothing productive.
Thursday, October 9, 2014, 1:30pm
Ok, so it's two days later. I gave up writing in my blog on Tuesday because I thought it was too sad and depressing and I was going to try to say how it's ok that I don't feel like I do enough, because I do! But I honestly didn't feel like I could say that that day because I didn't feel like I did enough. And I was afraid asking David if he thought I did enough at home would get me an answer I didn't want. I've learned a few things since then. So let me tell you about that day. That day was a particularly rough day. After Noelle woke up from her much shorter than usual nap we went to the library and got a library card and explored the children's area for the first time. That was fun, but of course Noelle pulled a bunch of books off the shelves from who knows where and then pooped her diaper making it a short and stinky trip. After this we went to the grocery store for a quick trip, it wasn't too bad until I got to the checkout and the cashier treated me so badly that I began to cry as soon as I got in my car. When I got home I found that the power had gone out sometime while I was gone and although we had power to the rest of the house, the kitchen was without power, so the fridge and the oven were out, making it impossible to make dinner. David didn't want me messing with the breaker so I had to wait until he got home to fix it. We ended up going out to dinner at the Pizza Hut Buffet, which was actually quite delicious and Noelle loved it. After we got home, put Noelle to bed and did the dishes together, David and I were cuddling on the couch when David says to me, "I really appreciate all you do around here honey."
I just about cried.
So... now I feel like I can say that I do enough. I may not feel like I get a lot done or that I do enough most days, but my family thinks that I do! And that's what really matters isn't it?! We are our own toughest critics, but my husband and my daughter are happy, so I would say that that means that I do enough, because the happiness of my family is much more important than whether or not the dishes are done or if I had the time or energy to make dinner that day. Thank you David for loving me and saying that wonderful sentence to me when I needed it most. I love you. So next time you feel like you don't do enough Ashley, or whoever is reading this, remember that someone else thinks that you do.
